PREGNANCY

What a roller coaster life is…I believe in miracles, I believe in the circle of life, I believe in seasons, the miracles of life is that it keeps on going. I am so excited to share that my family is growing, and so am I!!!

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I have dreamed of being a mama and having my own family for as long as I can remember, I literally feel as though it’s a huge purpose to my life and its going to be what really molds me into my own… my family and my oldest girlfriends would even tell you that.

I have been afraid of almost everything in my life so far, from something as simple as opinions others may have had of me, to loosing someone I loved and could not imagine living without. Fear has kept me paralyzed, cancelling commitments and so many goals but what I have found through experience, research and learning is that I always have 2 choices I can let the “what if” be a negative or a positive.

I still have anxiety, I still deal with fear, I am still afraid but I am less and less of these things and I am becoming more and more grateful, full of joy, full of adventure and full of peace having this little growing human inside of me.

I wanted to start my pregnancy journey talking about all the ups and serious downs but all good intentions have not gotten around to it until now.
To put it lightly the first 19 weeks for me were really really tough with morning sickness that made me feel constantly hungover!! The first part of my pregnancy didn’t go how I had imagined, I had days where I was eating things I would never have normally dreamed of and also barely being able to move my body from being too sick… BUT it is insane to see what your body can do within a matter of months! I have been very open with my struggles and how much I have worked at training my brain to be strong and healthy and the bonus to that is a healthy and strong body. I would of fallen apart during this pregnancy if I had not of done the inside work necessary to keep me feeling purposeful when on some days confined to a bed. I have been feeling ALL the feelings of heightened hormones, joy, fear, all whilst trying my hardest to embrace and love my new curves and feeling this little baby inside of me.
For me, nutrition and movement is life - fear and anxiety loose their power as soon as you move, move your body, get in touch with feelings while moving (even on those days I wouldn’t feel like it, even going out for a 20 minutes walk around the park would change my entire mindset and mood and actually make me feel better!).
Working out has been an imperative part of my life while dealing with anxieties and depression, pregnancy has not become an excuse to put my feet up and eat for 2. I am keeping my heart rate lower than usual but still keeping up with my fitness routine (of course using common sense in mind), officially in training for the marathon of birth and being a new mama!
Exercise increases the flow of oxygen - enriching blood to your brain and to your baby! It elevates your mood, reduces stress, keeping the brain less focused on worries and flushes your entire body with endorphins, it will also boost your immunity!

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‘The quality of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts’ It has honestly taken me 26 years to start grasping this simple concept. But the more I learn about cellular connection and experience first hand the effects of negative or positive self talk I am continually blown away. Our current season does not define us. We are all constantly changing and constantly growing. Our circumstances do not define us…our attitude does. You are able to reinvent yourself at any moment. Maybe not in physical form but remember you are in total control of your thoughts, emotions, words and actions and those things build the foundation of constant reinvention.

What a difference a year can make it has been a year of massive change, a year of joy, a year of pain, a year of endless laughter and countless tears, a year of healing, a year of pure magic. Turn your mess into a message, your pain will become your purpose.
Pain can be a sensitive topic for most people because a lot of us believe that our pain is what is keeping us from our goals, we look at social media and see the successful people and we say to ourselves “well I would be able to do, but…” The truth is most of us have pain we are dealing with on a daily basis.

In a world full of hashtags, likes and analytics its more important than ever to take time for human connection.

I am so thankful for my health, my freedom, my family, my friends and most importantly this little miracle I am growing.

Reach out, touch in.

Soph xx

'CONQUER THE WALL' HALF MARATHON FOR THE MENTAL HEALTH FOUNDATION OF NZ IN BEIJING

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My mission in running the Great Wall Of China half marathon on May 11th 2019 is to hopefully help raise awareness and help end stigma associated with mental health. The Conquer the Wall Marathon is the longest running international marathon on the Great Wall of China. It will test you like no other race. I will be climbing more than 10,000 unrelenting stone steps and running a experience on one of the oldest and most recognizable structures in the world.

I've decided to do this event to help bring awareness to 'Mental health’ in New Zealand something incredibly close to my heart and feel I have a fair understanding of what people go through which is why I’m so passionate about this cause!
It’s a heartbreaking statistic that New Zealand has one of the highest rates for youth suicide in the world but it’s even more heartbreaking to know that we struggle to have these conversations with each other because of the stigma that comes with being associated with words like depression and mental health.

The change I most want to see is for my friends, family, and community to be bold with our conversations regarding depression and mental health. I want my friends, family, and community to have the courage to have these conversations with each other but especially our youth. I want our youth to be more aware and be able to recognize what depression and mental health looks like for their well being and those around them.

The thing is, “Everyone is going through something that we can’t see.” “because we can’t see it, we don’t know who’s going through what and we don’t know when and we don’t always know why. Mental health is an invisible thing, but it touches all of us at some point or another. It’s part of life. No matter what our circumstances, we’re all carrying around things that can hurt ”

Let me just start off by saying, I have never been a runner. I got into running when I was at a very low place in my life.

This has been a passion of mine for years, and it has literally taken years!!
I have had many setbacks, excuses (negative self-talk. I was so used to putting myself down in my own mind, telling myself I could not do it, I’m too slow, I’m not good enough, comparison prison), but I am determined in continuing to forge ahead with this. Most times the things we tell ourselves we can not do aren’t tangible. But when you are physically doing something and you do not have a choice to quit. I found the strength inside myself that I had no idea existed until I was in a situation that forced it out of me. When no one else is there to tell you what to do. And when no one is watching you. It is on you to create that voice that goes on in your own head. That voice will be your biggest asset or it will be your greatest enemy. Life changes constantly, I do not run away from my pain I run through it. I run now to clear my head and my heart. To stay strong for all the change I am constantly facing. I am using it to shape a stronger and better me. It is our choice on whether we keep allowing our past to paralyse us or slingshot us into a healthier stronger future.

My overall goal with the marathon ahead is to hopefully help shift the paradigm with mental health and change the conversation about mental health.

“…no matter how big or small it seems to you… you’re not weird or different for sharing what you’re going through.”

Just the opposite. It could be the most important thing you do.

It was for me.

$10,000.00 is the fundraising goal and it will go directly to the Mental Health Foundation Of New Zealand, something incredibly close to my own heart. You can check out the link below on how to donate.

https://givealittle.co.nz/fundraiser/conquer-the-wall-half-marathon-for-the-mental#

Thank you so much,

Soph

x

A LETTER TO MY YOUNGER SELF

Dear younger Soph,

Let me just start off by saying; There are so many incredible things that lie ahead for you. No matter how difficult the next few years are, you will be okay.
Things in life are going to change, that is okay. Because you will change, and you will grow into a strong woman.
These next few years you are not going to always make the right choices. There will be people who doubt you, individuals who will love nothing more than to see you fail - please do not let those people influence how you think about yourself.

Love is not all sunshine and rainbows. Love hurts but in the end it stretches and helps you grow and sharpens you.
Life can be painful and it can also get complicated at the worst of times and sometimes you will just have no idea where to go or what to do or why this is happening. You will feel lost at times, but you will learn quickly that some anxiety is a message to us that the path is simply not right. Listen to your gut and start paving a new one.

When you get to high school, it won’t be the end of your life; it will just be the start.
One day, you will look back at the girl who was full of pain, and you will be so proud of yourself, because you turned into the girl she had dreamed of being.
Please do not worry so much about what others think and be who you want to be, not who you think others expect you to be and embrace your individuality because one day it will be the ticket to success.
High school years feel like nothing more than a popularity contest, in the end you will be happier with a smaller circle of friends who will love you for who you are. Those friends will be the ones who will be there for you when life throws you curve balls. You won’t make it to University. Friends are going to leave. Some will give you reasons and some will not. It won't necessarily be pleasant, but it will be for your own good. Find the people who love you for who you are, they exist. It might take time to find them, but I promise you that you will.

Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up. Slow down and enjoy the ride. Do the things that scare you. You will learn more that way, and you will end up regretting the things you didn’t do more than the things you did do.

Remember you do not always need to say what you’re thinking; even though sometimes others need to hear it, it will get you into trouble.
Discomfort ~ expect it, embrace it and never avoid it.
Trying to achieve your goals whilst trying to stay comfortable will keep you stuck. Everything is a choice. There will be challenges with anything new you put yourself into because it is all a learning curve. Trust me.

There will be a time in your early twenties where you will accept men who have zero relationship skills or respect. Where you’re made to feel insecure about yourself, which will lead you to accept far less than a self-respecting woman should in her life. You will accept less fun than you deserve. You will accept self-talk that reinforces all of the above.
Never dim your light for the sake of trying to attract or keep a man. Any person who you have to change yourself for is the wrong person for you. The same men who attempt to devalue women are the same ones who seek validation, they never tell the full story…just the parts that make you look “crazy”. You will learn from this experience greatly - Let him go. Trust me, he is not worth it.

This all changes for you when you turn 23 and realise you’ve already known your best friend and love of your life for a long time now, you just did not know it yet.
A man who not only puts up with your quirks (like your obsessively healthy diet), but will teach you how to laugh at them and love them, removing any insecurity. 
Things will move quickly for you both, you will marry him 18 months later, people will judge you for that, and also for your 12-year age gap. Don’t give a shit what they think or say. Because you are both going to bring each other so much happiness and he will change the perception you currently have of the world and turn it into something beautiful, raw and real - If they want you, trust me they will climb a mountain to find you. 
You will teach each other so much, you will both learn how to appreciate the best parts of life and find meaning in the things that you are both overlooking to find the things that truly matter. This will take time, it won’t always be easy or perfect or beautiful but it will be so unbelieveably worth it! I promise. 

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Hold onto moments not just the highlights but also the low points, the emotions and the feelings. Your life will be very busy. You love being busy. I understand that. But always take the time to remember and appreciate what others do for you, and what they mean to you. You’re not going to have all the answers even when you’re older, and that’s okay because most people don’t. There is so much beauty in the unknown. 

You are going to have some incredibly huge emotional struggles, there will be some losses, do not be afraid to face them head on. You will discover grief does not disappear. This may take you by surprise, but you will learn that love continues to grow after death. You’re going to walk through grief but you’re going to come through the other side a stronger, braver woman.

You will end up helping others. But first you’ll need these experiences to gain the knowledge to do so. You and your voice have value, but you need to love yourself first before anyone else will. Find the time to do what you love everyday because that’s what will give you your energy. Each experience and chapter is part of the beautiful person you will become.
Every day live life to the fullest. It will never be this way again.

It is going to get harder than you think you can handle on more than one occasion but please remember you’re okay. Life is not always okay. But you are! Enjoy the present, really live in it. The future will come. 

A couple of things to keep in mind ~ 2018 will be a huge year of growth and learning for you. You will experience betrayal from people you considered to now be family, which will sting you, worse than all others, it will break a secret code but you will rise above it and discover that it’s only making them selves feel better. It will take some time but you will eventually stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions and stop putting an effort into those who show no effort towards you. Remember someone’s effort is a reflection of his or her interest in you. Cultivate growth from your own grief and pain. A huge change you will make is what and who you listen to (including your own inner voice).
You will learn how to treat your body and mind well this year, not just physically but emotionally and how to also treat those around you.

But please don’t ever settle for the easy way just don’t settle, period. Life is too short!

Remember that this current version of yourself loves you, and that’s not going to change. People will say hurtful things that will get you down, but do not get lost in it, pick yourself up and realise there will always be people like that in this world. It’s not your fault.

Love future Soph, x

“You may not see it today or tomorrow, but you will look back in a few years and be absolutely perplexed and awed by how every little thing added up and brought you somewhere wonderful - or where you always wanted to be. You will be grateful that things didn’t work out the way you once wanted them to.”

PAIN

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I recently read something I was not expecting from someone I considered to be close to me and part of my family, to be clear, no one died. My life continued spinning around the same which it did the day before. In fact, the news itself is irrelevant to this story. What’s relevant is my reaction. I felt hurt, disheartened, and – pain.

This year has been one of the greatest and most difficult years of my life. I have learnt everything is temporary moments, feelings, pain. No state of pain stays in the same shape, at the same intensity, permanently. The good news and the bad news is that emotions are transient. “This too shall pass.” Its hard not to get annoyed at that sentence when reading it, as cliche as it is, but I’ve found it to be so true. Everything passes if you allow yourself to grow through it.

I spent a long time running from my own pain which only served and created a deeper pain in my life. As I am growing through some challenging life experiences, I am learning to not run away from the pain and hurt anymore. I am learning to not use victimisation and sadness as my closest friends. I am getting better, When I don’t do that, I experience life to the fullest.

This world wants people to mask and hide there pain, but there is so much beauty in it. No more putting band aids on the pain. I look for the gift of each painful situation. I have learnt to take care of myself and love myself through each painful experience. We will not die from the pain. We will only grow stronger and more beautiful from it. Learning that giving a shit about what other people think is a waste of precious time and energy, especially when you figure out that the only way to live is through your own truths. Stop worrying about whether people are understanding you or judging you. Because some will be and some will not be.
The ones that judge are the ones that are blinded by their own insecurities, and remember all endings are also new beginnings, we just don’t realise it at the time. Everyone has stuff, but we are not our stuff. Read that sentence again!!

Through my own healing, I have found my greatest source of strength which has created the connections with so many others who are healing too.
Our journey and our past is our greatest resourse. It is filled with so much knowledge and learning. Im sitting on a goldmine of information from my own past and I am realising I need to stop pretending like I don’t know the answers, because we often always do!

When we experience pain it always presents an opportunity for us to deepen our ability to feel more. I think it’s so important to understand pain and recognise how our brain interprets pain. I would say some of the most painful things that I have gone through in my life have been things that I have resisted feeling the pain of and created a lot of unnecessary suffering.
I think back to certain loss in my life when I was younger or disappointments that I had suffered and when I look back now on the actual circumstances of the situation at hand versus what I was actually believing and thinking, it’s actually astounding to me just how much added pain I generated on top of something that would have been a lot less painful had I not intensified it and just accepted the pain of loss in that situation.

Let pain open you up, what emerges on the other side might be more beautiful than you imagine.

Their are two types of pain, physical pain and emotional pain and it’s so important to distinguish the two you feel in the present moment.
All pain is interpreted through the brain. Our brain is designed to protect us. How we manage pain by what we create through our thoughts is so powerful in order to living a more positive life. Sometimes facing our pain is not as frightening as we think it will be. What you focus on and where you place your attention makes all the difference to how you will feel every day living your life.

Choose to rise and transform from anything in your life that no longer serves you; sometimes committing to doing what needs to be done to heal and move forward isn’t selfish it’s imperative for our own wellbeing.
What is important is that you use your pain for a purpose. You are so much more than your current situation.
We are all carrying around our own journey, and that journey is made up of little tiny journeys that are changing every second, with every experience. There is no one-size-fits- all way to express pain. Choose acceptance over pain, acceptance does not mean that you approve of the pain, like the pain or want the pain. It simply means that you acknowledge it and allow it to be what it is without judging it or trying to change it.

Reach out, touch in.

Soph x

HOW I FOUND BALANCE THROUGH NUTRITION AND MOVEMENT |

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I feel compelled to speak of a topic seen as so taboo.

But why? We live in a culture that hides away when in pain, a culture that curates a picture-perfect lifestyle display to the world. It’s all a facade.

The world is filled with people who go through and experience anxiety and depression or both, yet we’re so scared to talk about it.

There is so much unspoken shame associated with mental health. To those of you in a period of struggle I am sharing my journey as a safe space for you to know you are not alone.

The truth is, we all go through something that can be a struggle or hurts deep. Maybe your struggle or hurt is the same as mine. Maybe it’s entirely different and equally hard. But something I have learned is that anxiety can be something we always live with, but it can also be something we learn how to cope with. 

If you think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress don’t impact your physical health, think again. All of these emotions trigger chemical reactions in your body, which can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system, not to mention a toxic mind - something I have personally experienced.

One thing that’s blown me away is how little mental health stems from our brains. Nutrition, supplementation and gut health are fundamental to optimal brain health. Together they can produce dramatic, positive changes in your mental health and quality of life.

Movement is one of the most under-utilised antidepressants out there. Exercise will literally boost your serotonin and endorphins and will stimulate the growth of new brain cells just like antidepressants are designed to do.

I found when I don’t move and eat a well-balanced diet my brain doesn’t function and it turns to fog. For me, eating a healthy high fat, low sugar diet improves my mental wellbeing dramatically.

I have used this way of life for as long as I can remember and was brought up on a well-balanced and nutritious diet, but coming off birth control recently I craved the complete opposite! Eating a high fat diet to me is a sustainable way to eat a lot of plant based foods, healthy nourishing and brain healthy fats.

As I have learned more about my anxieties - especially after experiencing deep depression for the first time after coming off birth control, I have grown and have started to cope with my feelings much better.

I have had an overwhelming amount of messages and questions to how I have used nutrition, movement, supplements and tools to balance my mental health.

Here is a list of things that have worked for me -

·       exercise 

·       zero sugar - no explanation needed

·       high fat diet - Omega - 3s / healthy fats

·       no cow dairy 

·       podcasts and reading

·       celery juice cleanse (I will talk about this with a friend who I discovered this off)

 ·       cutting out gluten 

·       taking hot showers or baths

·    writing a list every morning of 3 things I am grateful for and saying them out loud (self-affirmations)

·       saunas (especially infrared saunas)

·       learning to not worry about the past 

·       not worrying what others think of me

·       crying

·       meditation

·       vitamin b12 injections 

·       magnesium tablets before bed

·       frankincense essential oil

·       putting energies into people who matter

·       selfcare 

·       LAUGHING - this is a medicine. Something I literally had to practice at times.

·       talking out loud

·       nutrition

·       quality sleep

·       vitamin D

·       chamomile

·       reducing caffeine - I was drinking up to 2 cups of coffee per day. I have now re introduced 1 -3 per week at the most.

I am here to share my passion around health and my personal experiences. What I have learnt so far is that to truly be a healthy individual you have to place priority on your mental health just as much as your physical health.
Being healthy looks so different on everyone and this is just what works for me.

Something I like to keep in mind when going through a period of struggle that my husband said one day to me, “there will be bad days and they will also end”. Everything passes.

Trust - trust that if you do the work the rest will follow. What you focus on in life and where you place your thoughts will make all the difference in how you feel every day. By focusing on changing your negative thoughts to positive you will see your life change in front of your eyes in the most beautiful way.

“In the end she became more than what she expected. She became the journey. And like all journeys, she did not end. She just simply changed direction and kept going”.

My dm’s and emails are always open.
Much love,

Soph x

 

ANXIETY | BIRTH CONTROL | DEPRESSION

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This chapter has been tough. As incredible as these past 18 months have been, I have found it so hard to balance my emotions. We are all fighting a battle that no one knows about — which can take so much courage just to even get out of bed some days.

I have dealt with anxiety since I was around 17 — anxiety so bad I don’t think anyone would understand it unless they’ve experienced it too. I couldn’t figure it out and it didn’t really make sense.

Chrissy Teigen describes the feeling of anxiety perfectly — “every step I take feels a little shaky, its such a weird feeling that you wouldn’t know unless you have bad anxiety…you feel like everyone is looking at you.”

Very few people knew how deep my anxieties ran because somehow I still smiled on the outside, and I learned to manage my duties the best I could. There was also no logical reason for me to feel this way. My Mum would often tell me I had an amazing partner, incredible friends, a great life and businesses…so how could I feel this way? But, you can’t explain it.

My mind was toxic. No matter what the outside circumstances were, I would find that sadness and victimization were my closest friends.

I didn’t really understand the extent of my anxieties or understand the feeling of depression until after my wedding in June.

I have an amazing, loving and supportive partner, the most gorgeous friends and my own businesses that provide a very comfortable lifestyle; in fact, an incredible lifestyle. A lifestyle that I would get frequent messages from people thinking I had it all and had it so easy. Almost like it was all handed to me on a platter? It is far from it.

Social media can be a double-edged sword when it comes to mental health. Constantly being connected makes it impossible not to compare our own lives with picture-perfect ‘grams’.

Everything is so fast-paced: Instagram ‘lives’, Instagram ‘stories’…when in reality, we are only seeing little tiny facets of each person’s life and of course, only the very best chunks of it. Everyone is human and everyone has imperfections and struggles in their life. Sadness is isolating and lonely. I’ve had social anxiety so debilitating at times that I have lost friends, feeling like everyone hates me.

Walls I put up for myself like fear and anxiety, are things that paralyze us. My idea of the perfect wedding was a really small wedding with family back home, but Jeremy, coming from a big family, wanted the biggest and the best party and celebration. “Do it once, do it properly!” (this is a whole other post haha). He wanted the overseas wedding and ‘party for a week’ with everyone we loved in the place we first met — Bali. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy with this and that’s one of the things I love about him — he will never do things by halves. The detail, attention, extravagance and effort he helped put into our wedding was so incredible and well thought out that I made jokes that he was the hired wedding planner.

However, with our wedding in Bali creeping up my anxieties kicked into over drive. Paralysing fear, crippling and heart racing anxiety months before our big day. My anxiety was so bad at the thought of so many people coming all this way for us and for me. I didn’t feel worthy of it.

My anxiety was making me physically ill and my body was showing so many signs of being unhealthy. I couldn’t even think. The phrase ‘panic attack’ can be used so very casually in the world. I don’t think most people really know what it is.

Our wedding day was an absolute dream, with our beautiful friends and family who mean so much to us. What more could you ask for?

It was pure magic.

Every single person was telling us it was the best wedding and commenting on how incredible everything was. It was so much fun, you could not of had a better group of people — it was madness!

But somehow all the positivity in the days and weeks after the wedding and all the positive things people were saying to me were completely blocked out as I’d fixate on trying to find something negative. I would literally search for it.

I remember getting our wedding photos back and zooming in on every single imperfection examining how I looked, my dress and my flaws. I hated myself and thought everyone would be judging me or talking about me and how awful I looked. Sounds superficial, right?

I was going back and worrying — fixating on certain things that we could’ve done differently on our big day or certain people that had let me down prior to and after. This anxiety led to deep depression. I couldn’t explain it and was in denial I was depressed. I was embarrassed.

I was newlywed — a time where you are meant to be on cloud nine. But I was replaying and critiquing everything about the day, obsessing over a comment someone said to me and feeling guilty I hadn’t connected in a meaningful way with some of our 130 guests who had flown all this way for us who mean so much to me — beyond just a ‘hello’ and ‘thank you!’

I had a history of anxiety but never had a history or signs of depression. The thing that triggered this depression was my anxiety, but this time it was more. I was coming off birth control straight after our wedding. I know what you are thinking…and no, this was not to get pregnant!

I had started my birth control Depo — Provera around a year before that. It’s an injection that is given every three months. It just so happened my three months was up at the beginning of July — straight after our wedding. Because we weren’t going back to New Zealand until October for a girlfriends wedding, I didn’t get it on time. That’s when things spiralled out of control. My hormones were going crazy and it sounds dramatic, but it almost ruined my life.

I had to break the negative self talk — it was making me physically ill, and ruining my marriage. I thought I was going to be the in Kim Kardashain ’72 day marriage’ situation — I was my own worst enemy. I had a constant fist in my tummy, brain fog, short term memory loss, hemorrhoids, fatigue, cystic acne, anger, weight loss, hair loss and confusion. I stopped exercising and started eating depressing foods — what I like to call ‘sugar foods’ — things that were feeding my brain and foods that if you knew me, I just never would have dreamed of putting in my body prior. I am a massive health freak and enjoy nutrition as I think it’s a vital part of

how we feel and there is a major connection between the gut and the brain.

I would fear any change in my life. Even when family or friends came to visit I feared I would say or do the wrong things because I was so unhappy within myself. I would fear that everyone hated me — even some of my closest friends. I made myself physically sick.

My message to anyone reading this is to be kind to yourself. Be kind to others and remember where you are now is not WHO you are. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, motivate you and cheer you on, not bring you down. Don’t be quick to judge someone — ask before you assume. I’m learning this; I’m learning who to surround myself with and I’m learning who brings good to my life and my happiness. You do not know what struggles someone else is going through behind closed doors — even your closest of friends. Ask if they are ok. Your life will change when you take responsibility of how you react to what you can’t control. I know the struggles this life has to offer and it’s not selfish to take time for yourself, its imperative. Trying to be perfect is a disease that will eat at you and make you paralysed. Put yourself on your schedule. Surround yourself with people who truly care about you. We are all human beings trying to navigate our way through life. We all make mistakes but that’s the beauty of life. We are here to learn and teach. I have so many regrets in life but I’m determined to not be a victim of them. People in life are always going to disappoint, but learn to see the best in everyone and learn to love yourself before anyone else and not expect anything from anyone in return. When you give and expect return, that’s an investment. When you give and don’t expect anything back…that’s love. 
I’ve only just learnt this very recently.

I haven’t taken medication, because movement of my body and getting back to my usual, healthy self with food from the ground and proper nutrition has reduced it by 99%, and I have learned how to balance out my hormones and breath through my feelings to control it. If you change your diet you will change your life.

Depo — Provera did not work for me, but this does not mean it will not work for somebody else in a positive way. Every single body is completely different.

Anxiety and depression is not an illness it’s a symptom, an emotion. A chemical imbalance in your brain caused by low serotonin.The instant gratification of sugar, preservatives, processed food and fast food is the cause of most of our serious health issues.

If you too had anxiety, depression or both, know that you are not alone.

We live in a world where anxiety and depression are not openly spoken about, and where you have to be perfect to be normal. Everyone is quick to judge or have opinions on this topic but I think talking about it brings us all that little bit closer — something I should have done whilst I was going through some of my darkest days.

Jeremy’s taught me so much about realizing what’s real and what’s not and who’s truly worth putting time and energy into when it comes to people in your life. Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful. And my life is so SO beautiful.

I don’t want pity or sadness, I love my life. But, I think this message is important and I want to tell anyone else reading this who’s going through a period of struggle, that its ok. This too shall pass. Its hard not to get annoyed at that sentence when reading it, as cliche as it is, but I’ve found it to be so true. Everything passes if you allow yourself to grow through it.

My beautiful friend who came into my life earlier this year said this quote that’s stuck with me:

“You can not give to others if your cup is empty. Make sure your cup is overflowing and then you can give to others without having your own energy depleted.”

Self love comes first, then spread the love.

My emails and DM’s are always open if you need a friend.

Sophia xx

“Find out what you love, what makes your heart happy, what makes you want to get outside, and make time for it. Put yourself on your schedule.”